Peter Piper Pizza – Review

02-22-06_1508

Pizza week can also be a time of desperation and despair.

My pizza week had been all planned out, but a change in my work schedule today resulted in my being unable to review the pizza I wanted. I had to shift my plan to have pizza for dinner, but my wife had planned an elaborate meal.

I thought certain that I was going to miss my goal of pizza everyday this week. And then, on the drive home, a shining ray of mediocrity hit me: Peter Piper Pizza. If I’m not mistaken, they’re a locally grown chain that was expanded outside of Phoenix, even outside the US.

How do they do it? The same way McDonald’s sells hamburgers: they pitch to the kids.

I remember quite clearly some 30 years ago when I lived in Oracle, a small town outside of Tucson. We used to get TV reception from Phoenix, but we never went there. I’d see commercials for restaurants and stores that I thought I’d never eat in.

One of those was Peter Piper Pizza. They used to have a spokesman named Tony – a middle-aged, pot-bellied guy in a chef’s hat, standing at a counter, working a big lump of dough.

He’d say things like, “Why does pizza cost so much? It’s just some dough with some cheese on it?”

It’s just that attitude that accounts for the results of a typical Peter Piper Pizza.

What always really get my attention about those commercials was that Tony had a bit of speech problem. When he got animated and spoke out about the injustices of high-priced pizza, he kept visibly spitting in that big lump of dough he was working.

I know it was prop dough, and he wasn’t really the cook, but come on, people! That’s just gross.

I’ve scoffed at a lot of Peter Piper Pizzas over the years, but today was the first time I really tried to analyze one. (Hey, I take my pizza reviews seriously) Here goes:

There’s nothing wrong with this pizza that a good crust transplant couldn’t cure.

Their crust is just not good. It’s dry and has a consistency that is frequently compared to cardboard or dried play-doh. Those comparisons aren’t fair. I can’t think of anything to compare it to. It’s a bread, it’s not quite a cracker, it’s not quite a crusty bread stick. I just don’t know what it is and I spent a lot of time thinking about it today. (I was up till 3:00 AM last night/this morning, so it was easy for my mind to wax philosophical.)

It’s just not a proper pizza dough, and that’s the point where always I’ve dismissed it. In fact, there really wasn’t anything wrong with the rest of it. The toppings and cheese are unexciting, but passable. The blame all comes back to the crust.

How do they stay in business? It’s CHEAP, and most people don’t care what their pizza tastes like.

Cost: 7″ Pepperoni pizza, $2.49! Cost per square inch = $0.06 (0.647)

Conclusion: I can’t recommend the pizza, but they’ve got games for the kids and it’s a cheap way to feed ‘em

Peter Piper Pizza has various locations

Review pizza came from

3403 N 7th Ave
Phoenix, AZ

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3 Responses to “Peter Piper Pizza – Review”

  1. jo Says:
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:01 am

    haha , your funny you probably work at papa johns were they do their stupid pizza old school style, instead of buying highly priced old camaros put that money into the quality and price of your pizza

  2. Pizza Locust Says:
    January 13th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Jo, I’m not even sure I know what you’re saying there… but I don’t care for old Camaros. I much prefer salami, pepperoni or sausage on my pizza.

    What exactly is the difference between “old school” and “new school” pizza? Does new school involve conveyor belts and lots of plastic?

    I never eat at Papa John’s, I don’t like sugar in my pizza and, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never worked at a pizza establishment.

  3. Eddie Says:
    February 25th, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Peter Piper Pizza is too expensive for what it is. Two large pizzas cost around 23 dollars. The true price should be like ten dollars and some change.

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